


Somebody to Love

by desertredwolf



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Friendship, Gen, Logic, Pets, Questions, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 03:44:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7343449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/desertredwolf/pseuds/desertredwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ONESHOT: McGonagall thinks the monster in the Chamber of Secrets kidnapped Ginny. Harry thinks that's illogical. But what does the basilisk have to say? Because basilisks don't kidnap people, right? ...RIGHT?? Or, Harry tries to be logical, but is proven wrong by a basilisk who doesn't understand the concept of pets. In other words: Asking questions leads to absurdity.</p>
<p>Welcome to Hogwarts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somebody to Love

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own Harry Potter. All rights go to the respective owners.
> 
> This story isn’t meant to be taken too seriously. There are definitely some moments where I question the logic of characters in the series. This fic is meant to bring up some good questions, but it’s all in good fun. I had way too much fun writing this and nitpicking the source material with one of my friends. Enjoy!

“I fear this is the end of Hogwarts,” said Minerva McGonagall to the unusually silent staffroom, “A student has been taken by the monster into the Chamber of Secrets.”

The professors that had been gathered in the room went into a state of shock and disbelief. Flitwick began to sob, while Sprout and Madam Hooch looked faint and had to sit down. Standing near the back of the room, Snape appeared concerned and quietly asked, “Are you certain?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” replied McGonagall, “A message was left by the Heir of Slytherin underneath the original one.”

Madam Pomfrey looked up from where she was sitting and asked the question that was on everyone’s mind. “Who is it?” whispered the healer.

“Ginny Weasley,” said McGonagall.

Harry and Ron slumped to the floor of the wardrobe in various states of anger, grief, and shock. Harry was processing what had just happened when he suddenly thought of something. It was a half-formed thought and it just wasn’t coming together quite yet. Not for the first time, he wished Hermione was here with him. She would know what he was thinking. Somehow she would; she always knew.

Distracted, Harry only half heard Professor Lockheart run in. When Snape said something about the monster kidnapping Ginny, it abruptly hit him. McGonagall had said, “Taken by the monster.” Snape had just told Lockheart, “A girl has been snatched by the beast.” They might now know it’s a basilisk, but what kind of creature do they think would honestly kidnap a girl—

_Oh my god,_ Harry thought.

Suddenly, Harry realized that the room had emptied. Harry slowly turned to Ron, but was interrupted before he could begin his explanation.

“She must have known something, Harry,” Ron’s voice was filled with regret. “That’s why she was acting weird that day. It had nothing to do with Percy, that _idiot._ She knew something and that’s why she was taken.”

“Ron,” said Harry, in a slow and cautious tone, “I think it’s more than that.”

Ron scrunched his face up. “What do you mean?” he asked.

“Well, we know the monster is a basilisk, right? And that it kills or petrifies victims with its gaze.”

Ron nodded at this and Harry continued.

“Well, if it kills or petrifies all of its victims … why would _a basilisk_ kidnap Ginny? All of the professors seem to think that it’s the monster of the Chamber — a basilisk — that took her. Not killed her or petrified her … but _took_ her.”

“But we’re the only ones who know that it’s a basilisk, Harry.”

“Okay, true. But why would they think that Slytherin’s monster kidnapped Ginny in the first place? What monster would do that? None! Or at least nothing obvious, right? What creature petrifies people and ghosts, yet also would kidnap them?” exclaimed Harry.

“But, maybe it was, ya know, Dark Magic. Didn’t you say that when Dumbledore saw Creevey in the Hospital Wing, he said it could be Dark Magic. So, maybe it could’ve been a person?” pondered Ron.

Harry nodded. “A person is more likely. The beast and Chamber were just rumors for centuries anyway. Remember Binns? No one really knew if the Chamber actually existed, let alone if there was a real monster in it and what it could be. Just a whisper of a legend,” Harry started speaking faster and faster, as the dots began to connect in his mind, “I’m pretty sure we’re the first people to figure out what Slytherin’s monster actually _is_. So, either way, why are they pretending it’s a monster? A monster that _kidnaps_ people??”

“Well, Lockheart did just barge in and had been bragging about being able to get rid of the monster, that pompous fraud…” said Ron.

“But that doesn’t explain McGonagall’s original statement. Why pretend it was a monster that kidnapped Ginny? We know basilisks don’t kidnap people. So that means —”

A look of horror slowly began to dawn on Ron’s face. “So she _did_ know something!” exclaimed Ron.

“Probably. Or,” Harry paused before taking his thought process to the next logical conclusion, “That she was behind all of this — the petrifications, Nearly Headless Nick, the writing on the walls. Everything.”

Ron jumped to his feet, glaring at Harry. “She wouldn’t do that!” growled Ron.

“I’m not saying she wanted to do it,” Harry said quickly, “She might not have had a choice. But there has to be a third party in play: Victims, the basilisk, _and_ the Heir. If Ginny’s the Heir, that fits all three categories — Ron, I’m not saying I believe that. But monsters don’t kidnap people. So, if she isn’t the Heir and mysterious chamber monsters don’t kidnap people, then she has to be a victim. Whether she helped the Heir or not is moot point. And the professors seem pretty confident that she was the one taken. So that means …”

“They’ve done a head count of all of the Houses,” Ron finished. “Somehow, they know who is missing.”

“Right,” said Harry, “But there’s more.”

“What?” asked Ron with trepidation.

“If she did know something, or if someone forced her to do all of those things, then the real Heir of Slytherin could still be somewhere around the castle. They could be hiding in the dorms or wandering around even,” Harry explained.

“But that means …” the blood drained out of Ron’s face.

“Yeah, that means a killer could still be out there—”

Ron looked as if he were about to interrupt when Harry cut across him.

“No, Ron. A killer. The last time the Chamber was opened, someone died. It may be different people committing the crime, but it’s pure dumb luck that no one has been killed this time around. Either Ginny is the Heir and escaped into the Chamber _or_ someone else either forced her to write or wrote the final message themselves. And I’m voting for the second choice. Either way some _one_ kidnapped her because let’s be real: Basilisks don’t just kidnap people.”

They let all of that information sink in. Harry felt like something was still missing though. But there wasn’t time to figure it out. They had to tell someone what they knew. It wasn’t just about the Heir of Slytherin — that could be taken care of later. Right now, there was a basilisk on the loose.

Harry sighed dramatically. “If three kids can work this out, how can the adults so clueless?”

Ron gave Harry a shaky grin. “Come on, mate. Let’s catch up with Lockheart. He’s going to need help finding the Chamber.”

There were still pieces of the puzzle missing to Harry, and it was really bugging him, but there was one thing bothering him that he had to ask before going further.

“Do you think this could be a trap, Ron? That the Heir could be in the Chamber waiting for me?”

Ron got a determined glint in his eye and asked, “What do you want to do?”

Harry and Ron took one look at each other and reached an unspoken decision. They took off towards Lockheart’s office. They needed to save Ginny and find the real Heir of Slytherin. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ ** _Meanwhile in the Chamber of Secrets_** ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tom Marvolo Riddle. Lord Voldemort. The-Greatest-Dark-Wizard-of-the-Age. He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Dark Lord of All. You-Know-Who. And — with a sudden dramatic center stage entrance that would put Professor Snape to shame — HE ROSE AGAIN FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE ( _oooooohhhhh_ ).

Well, technically he wasn’t alive yet. His form wasn’t corporeal and that was a problem. And if there was a problem, that meant something had gone wrong with his plan.

As his spirit slowly rose out of his journal (not a diary, those are for girls), he took a moment to take stock. _Right now_ , he thought, _I should be fully alive_. _The girl’s sacrifice should have guaranteed that._ Her death, in a combination of how much of herself she had poured into the diary, should have brought about his resurrection immediately.

_So. Who failed me?_

Strutting out of the diary, he took in the Chamber of Secrets. Nothing really had changed since he had last been here. Menacing statue of Salazar Slytherin (Greatest of the Hogwarts’ Four)? Check. Giant killer snake with demon death eyes? Check! Crying girl? Chec— WHAT?

Fury swept through his body. _She was supposed to be dead!_ thought Riddle. _That pitiful excuse for a basilisk should have killed her immediately upon bringing her to the Chamber!_

**_“You do realize,”_** said Riddle in Parseltongue to the snake, **_“That this ruins everything? Potter will have something to fight for and THIS WAS NOT PART OF MY PLAN!”_**

The Basilisk looked down and, if Riddle didn’t know any better, it almost looked — _bashful? Uncertain?!_

_“Hiss hiss … hiss hiss … hiss.”_

**_“What do you mean you were lonely down here?”_ **

_“Hiss hiss.”_

**_“AND WHY didn’t you kill her as planned?!”_ **

_“_ …”

**_“ANSWER ME! I AM THE LAST DESCENDENT OF SALAZAR SLYTHERIN!”_ **

_“…hisshisshisshiss.”_

**_“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO KEEP HER?! I COMMAND YOU TO KILL HER! RIGHT NOW!”_ **

_“HISSSSS HISS HISSSSSS!”_

**_“NO YOU CANNOT KEEP HER AS A PET! AHHHH! YOU’VE RUINED MY MASTER PLAN!”_ **

_“Hiss hiss hiss.”_

**_“HARRY POTTER IS NOT MY PET! HE IS MY ARCHNEMISIS!”_ **

_“Hiss.”_

**_“SHUT UP! MY PLANS ARE BRILLIANT!”_ **

_“Hissss hiss.”_  
  
**_“AHHHH!! GO TO YOUR ROOM!”_ **

_“… hissss …”_

**_“AND NO BACK TALK! YOU STAY THERE UNTIL MY ENEMY SHOWS UP AND THEN KILL HIM!”_ **

_“… Hiss hiss hiss?”_

**_“I TOLD YOU HE IS NOT MY PET!”_ **

The basilisk (Slytherin named him Stan, but thankfully Riddle didn’t know that) slunk into the back room. He just wanted a friend. _No,_ he thought, _humans call them pets. I think…_ But as he waited for Riddle’s pet to show up (or did he call it an enemy?), he realized that he had really just wanted somebody to love.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: And there you have it. Yes, McGonagall and Snape did use the phrase “Taken/Snatched by the monster” in the book. You can’t really fault Harry’s logic, but in this case, he was still partially wrong. The basilisk just wanted a friend! Or a pet. They really don’t have a great concept of proper relationships. Hopefully, this will help make up for the long time between posting chapters in Tides of Fate! Let me know what you guys think!


End file.
